How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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