I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
