Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize