Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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