Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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