Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
