I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize