McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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