I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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