Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
