I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drake has all the answers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize