We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
