I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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