He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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