dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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