I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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