Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
