HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
