Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
