my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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