Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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