We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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