My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
