you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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