I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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