I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
