Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
