Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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