Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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