Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
