The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize