He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
