my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
