No awkward lesbian experiences without me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
