just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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