I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
