Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
