Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
