she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize