I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize