Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
