At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
