So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize