remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
