I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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