so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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