Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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