someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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