is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
