He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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