I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
