Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize