Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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