I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
