I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
