I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
