yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
