WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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