Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
