we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
