before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize