we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
