True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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