wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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