Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
