'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How does one acquire holy water?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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