No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
