It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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