You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
